


runnin' my heart with lies

by starsupernova



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Canon Compliant, Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Roommates, basically i had feelings and this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsupernova/pseuds/starsupernova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wants to rip out his heart so he doesn’t feel pain through averted gazes and muffled noises from the other room at night.</p><p>It’s kind of twisted: Kunimi’s in love with Kindaichi, Kindaichi’s in love with Kunimi, Kageyama’s in love with both of them.</p><p>They hate him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	runnin' my heart with lies

**Author's Note:**

> i love these three so much and i love pain so, hey, why not combine them?
> 
> the title is from the song _it ain't love_ by mstrkrft
> 
> huge thanks to [bunny](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hinayachis/pseuds/hinayachis/) for beta-ing this fic for me!
> 
> enjoy!

★ When the fire dies **  
**

Dark in the skies

Hot as a match

Only smoke is left ★

* * *

Kageyama Tobio doesn't miss junior high.

He doesn't miss jeering comments from Oikawa Tooru. He doesn't miss the whispers of "oppressive" and "bossy" and other words from his fellow players.

He doesn't miss the thump of the ball as it landed with no one to spike it over the net, but god, does he miss them.

He loves his team like no other. He loves Hinata. He loves Yamaguchi. He loves Suga and Daichi and Tanaka and Noya and Asahi. He loves Ennoshita and Kinoshita and Narita. He loves Shimizu and Yachi and he even loves Tsukishima.

But it was different without Kunimi and Kindaichi who used to be able to know exactly what he was thinking and know exactly how to get him to smile.

Even when Kageyama had risen with a crown on his head, and although Kunimi and Kindaichi had whispered about him behind his back, at least they were still there by then.

He remembers after practice, wiping sweat off his face and sitting on the small bench to the side.

It was always Kunimi, Kageyama, Kindaichi respectively in the left, middle, and right. It was always that way.

He remembers Kunimi resting his long fingers on the crook of Kageyama's elbow, feeling Kageyama's blood pulse under his skin and how Kunimi's touch sent shivers up Kageyama's arm.

Kunimi barely talked or smiled but his touch was magic, sending warmth to Kageyama's face and tingles down his spine.

He remembers Kindaichi placing his hand over Kageyama's on the warm wood of the bench, clasping it and gently running his thumb over Kageyama's knuckles.

Kindaichi was quick bold gestures that caused the back of Kageyama's neck go red and it earned him an even tighter grip.

It was a mere memory that kept him alive now: the memory of soulmates.

And then the crack.

Kageyama couldn't live without that win, without knowing that it was _him_ that guided his team to victory, that it was _he_ who set the ball and helped them win.

He could feel the split in the court's floor. He could feel their whispers tickling his spine. He could feel Kunimi's touches leaving too quick and Kindaichi's grip loosening.

He misses the touches now, more than anything.

He misses when he wasn't the King of the Court. He misses the times when he set the ball perfectly to Kindaichi and Kunimi's lips would turn up at the corners.

He misses when they shared a uniform. He misses when the two of them weren't on a different side of the net, eyes hardened in resentment and determination and boring into him.

That's why it hurts exactly everywhere when they meet now as roommates in college.

It used to be a joke that their last names were so similar but it seemed cruel now.

 _Ka_ geyama.

 _Ki_ ndaichi.

 _Ku_ nimi.

Their names set them in a two bedroom, one and a half bathroom dorm room.

They move another bed into Kindaichi’s room for Kunimi to sleep in and Kageyama is left alone again.

It hurts how they look at him, with fire, and he wonders why they haven’t forgiven him yet.

(They haven’t because it’s hard remembering every day that there was once a Kageyama Tobio to bring them down and now he’s here again.)

He wants to rip out his heart so he doesn’t feel pain through averted gazes and muffled noises from the other room at night.

It’s kind of twisted: Kunimi’s in love with Kindaichi, Kindaichi’s in love with Kunimi, Kageyama’s in love with both of them.

They hate him.

The fire grows stronger when all three of them join the volleyball team and Kageyama’s sets are still so beautiful.

He realizes that during drills, they spike his serve halfheartedly—he tries so hard to make it perfect but they don’t hit a volleyball like they used to.

He wonders if he noticed that when they played on Aobajousai, surrounded by Oikawa Tooru and Iwaizumi Hajime and everyone else, everyone who was bright and blazing.

Kageyama becomes a regular in the later part of their first year, and Kindaichi and Kunimi are benched players. Kageyama feels like there's a crown on his head and a velvet cape flowing around his shoulders for the first time in a very long time.

Kageyama can’t live with the pain crushing down on his soul. He lies there with a broken heart as he hears muffled whispers from the other room.

* * *

★ You know what you've done to me

And although it hurts I know

I just can't keep runnin' away ★

* * *

Kageyama argues plainly, straightforward and flat. Kindaichi argues boldly, fury and sarcasm laced in his speech. Kunimi argues quietly, in sharp whispers, like his words are italics.

“You barely hit my tosses.”

**“Believe me, if I had the choice, I wouldn’t at all.”**

_“Kindaichi.”_

“You don’t hit them right.”

**“Are you really—”**

“I’m trying my hardest—”

_“We’re not geniuses like you are.”_

**“Don’t be such a goddamn—”**

“I’m not a tyrant!”

_“Kageyama, please, don’t.”_

“I set right to you!”

**“Well, you don’t set them right.”**

“Shut up, Kindaichi, can’t you see I’m—”

_“You destroyed us.”_

“I destroyed you? You were the one who came up with that nickname.”

**“I’m not fucking sorry. You deserved it. Do you even know how it felt?”**

_“It hurt, Kageyama. I thought you loved us.”_

“I just—”

**“Do you know how it felt to never be able to spike your toss?”**

“Do you know how it felt when you guys didn’t even try?”

_“You don’t know anything, Kageyama.”_

“I loved—”

**_“Don’t lie to me.”_ **

* * *

★ Speak in tongues

I don’t even recognize your face

Mirror on the wall

Tell me all the ways to stay away ★

* * *

Kageyama calls Hinata that night, head under his pillow and pressing his face into the mattress.

Hinata’s voice comes in through the receiver a bit warbled, and heavy with exhaustion.

“Kageyama? What do you want? I was just about to sleep…”

There’s a whine in his voice and a flash of guilt flashes through Kageyama.

“O-oh, then it’s f—” Kageyama starts, and then chokes, and _that’s_ when he realizes he’s crying and he claps his hand over his mouth. “It’s fine,” he tries again. It comes out heavy and in between gasps as the tears refuse to stop.

“Kageyama, are you crying?”

Damn him for being so fucking perceptive when he wants to be.

"Of course not, I just—"

"Tobio."

He shuts up.

"What happened?"

Hinata's voice is calm and soothing and it doesn't take long for the stories to spill out of Kageyama's lips as he smothers his cries with the blanket.

Hinata is quiet when he finishes, but Kageyama feels a warm feeling settling over him.

"It's going to be okay, Kageyama. Love can be hard, especially with four years of tension between all of you. If you talk to them, everything will be fine."

A pause.

"Call me if you need help and I'll be there."

Kageyama smiles, the kind that lights up his whole face, and the tears seem to dry instantly.

"How's it going with Kenma?" Kageyama asks softly and a dry laugh echoes from the other side of the phone.

"We don't see each other a lot, but we text and stuff. I love him, so it's not a problem."

"I miss him, though."

Kageyama's heart thumps. "Me too."

They both know that he's not talking about Kenma.

"Hinata, get some sleep," Kageyama says softly and Hinata yawns.

"G'night, Tobio."

"Night, Shouyou."

* * *

★ What will we do now?

We lost it to trying

We lost it to trying ★

* * *

Kindaichi and Kageyama get angry quickly and Kunimi lets himself fall into it. The pain disappears quicker that way.

"I'm sorry."

**"For what?"**

"...."

_"Kageyama."_

"For everything."

**"Sorry doesn't cut it."**

_"Kindaichi."_

**"Kunimi, you know that nothing can fix—"**

"Nothing can fix me either."

_"Don't compare yourself to us."_

"That goddamn nickname—"

**"That nickname ended once you got to Karasuno, what you did to us will last a lifetime—"**

"I thought you guys would do anything to win. You promised to help us win."

_"Not with you controlling us. Not like that."_

"I thought you would do anything for me. You promised to help me. You loved me."

**"Love fades, Kageyama."**

"Mine didn't."

_"I think ours did."_

* * *

★ Your former glories and all the stories

Dragged and washed with eager hands ★

* * *

Kageyama's crying again but this time, he doesn't know if it's because they lost in the tournaments or because of the withering gazes set on him by Kindaichi and Kunimi after the match that makes him remember his age old promise to win.

The doorbell rings and Kageyama doesn't hesitate to answer because Kindaichi and Kunimi will assume that his eyes are swollen thanks to the loss (after all, a team with Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Koutarou, Tsukishima Kei, and Akaashi Keiji is more than difficult to beat).

He opens the door to familiar figures.

"Tobio-chan?"

"Kageyama?"

_Shit._

It's Oikawa and Iwaizumi all of people. Kageyama hasn’t gotten the slightest idea on how the hell they managed to get here. All he knows is that he's sobbing and that Oikawa _can't_ see him like this—

"Kageyama, are you alright?" Iwaizumi asks.

The panic in Kageyama's mind escalates. "Yeah, I'm okay." He lifts his sleeves to his eyes and rubs at them.

"We came to talk to Kindaichi and Kunimi-chan, but..." Oikawa trails off, quietly staring at Kageyama.

"They're not here."

Kageyama's bitter because Kindaichi cries with his forehead pressed against Kunimi's and their hands clasped.

Kageyama's bitter because Kunimi doesn't cry at all.

"Oh, you didn't… win?"

Kageyama's throat closes because he knew that if he had set the ball _perfectly_ to Kindaichi, then they would have won but he's too flawed for his own good and—

Kageyama's self hatred is interrupted with a volleyball thrown at his face. He catches it just before it crashes into his nose and looks up at Oikawa in bewilderment.

"Get changed, Tobio-chan. Let’s play volleyball."

"But—"

"We'll see which of us can set the most successful tosses to Iwa-chan."

Oikawa's eyes glint in challenge and Iwaizumi scoffs. Kageyama narrows his gaze.

"That's really not fair, I haven't set to Iwaizumi-san since _middle-school_ ," Kageyama says.

"Exactly! It's the invincible duo versus the genius setter!"

Oikawa doesn't call him the King of the Court and the corners of his lips tilt upwards.

"I'll make sure I beat you," Kageyama says looking directly at Iwaizumi, who snorts.

"Yeah, yeah, I don't want this idiot to win either. Losing would do good for his ego," Iwaizumi says. Oikawa pouts.

"Meanie Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi smacks him over the head and Kageyama laughs before running back to his room.

Oikawa doesn't call him the King of the Court for the entire time they play.

Iwaizumi purposely misses Oikawa's sets to let Kageyama win until Oikawa tackles him to the floor in frustration and they playfully wrestle on the court.

Oikawa wins 34-32, but Kageyama's heart still flutters with happiness. Iwaizumi and Oikawa buy him milk-flavoured bread after they're all sweaty and tired, and they walk him back to his dorm. Oikawa shoves Kageyama into a tree on purpose, and Iwaizumi shouts at him and helps Kageyama to his feet.

Kageyama smiles as he opens the doors.

And then he hears something. And then he remembers that he lives with two people love each other (both of whom he loves, but they hate him).

The noises from the bedroom that Kindaichi and Kunimi share aren’t so muffled now, and Kageyama remembers that they love each other _so of course_.

He’s not supposed to be here, a voice tells him.

Is he ever supposed to be here? He had thought that maybe, just maybe, it had been fate that they ended up in the two bedroom, one and a half bathroom dorm room together.

No.

It was just the unfortunate joke that was their last names.

 _Ka_ geyama.

 _Ki_ ndaichi.

 _Ku_ nimi.

He turns, stalks out of the house.

He walks, down the street, off the campus, to the bus stop.

He gets on, pays with the few coins still in his pocket, he sits.

The sunsets falls and he still sits. The bus jerks and bumps along the road and he lets it take him.

The bus rolls back to the bus stop and that's when he gets off, walking crisply back to his dorm.

He doesn't go in until he's sure they're done.

He doesn't cry.

* * *

★ What goes on behind these doors

I'll keep mine and you keep yours

We all have our secrets, we all have our secrets ★

* * *

**"Where were you yesterday?"**

"Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san."

_"What?"_

"I was with Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san."

**"Oh. Um, well, uh—"**

_"Kindaichi."_

**"Fine, fine, Kunimi, I'll—"**

"What do you want?"

_"We want to say that—"_

**"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I missed the toss."**

_"I'm sorry I missed all those spikes and receives. I know how much winning means to you."_

**"To all of us."**

_"To all of us."_

"It's not… it's not your fault. Why the hell are you apologizing?"

**"What? We're just trying to be nice to you for freaking once—”**

“I don’t want insincerity, Kindaichi—”

**“We’re not being insincere, Kageyama.”**

“After all that has happened, and then suddenly an apology from you guys? Doesn’t sound too real to me.”

_“Shut up, Kageyama, we’re trying—”_

**“Do you want us to—”**

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know, I know, I love—”

**“Not yet.”**

“I do. I love you. Both of you.”

_“Kageyama, shut up, not yet.”_

“I know you don’t love me. I hear you. At night.”

**“We don’t—”**

_“That’s not—”_

“Don’t lie to me.”

* * *

★ You are my angel

Come from way above

To bring me love ★

* * *

There’s a show on television that all three of them watch and there’s one couch and an armchair free in the rec room of the dorm.

Kindaichi switches to the channel that it plays on and sits on the right side of Kageyama, who’s already curled into a blanket in the center of the couch. Kunimi is on the other side of Kageyama, fingers involuntarily curling into the corner of the blanket that hangs off the couch.

The episode airing that night is abnormally boring and Kageyama’s already tired from the allnighters he has pulled to get his grades up. He yawns, pulls his knees up to his chest and rests his chin on his knees. Kunimi’s nodding off as well next to him, his hair brushing Kageyama’s shoulder every time his head dips.

Then, Kunimi’s hands are reaching under the blanket covering Kageyama and resting on the crook of Kageyama’s elbow, tapping out an unintelligible pattern that sends shivers up Kageyama’s arm.

He’s suddenly not tired anymore, but Kunimi clearly is, because his head drops entirely onto Kageyama’s shoulder and his fingers stop moving in that gentle motion that makes Kageyama’s head spin.

Kageyama is hyper aware at this point and when Kindaichi grasps at Kageyama’s one hand that isn’t under the blanket, he swallows a sound and Kindaichi quickly brushes his thumb over Kageyama’s knuckles.

Kageyama finds it hard to breathe.

It’s warm, warmer than anything he’s felt in a long time, and even more familiar.

He remembers it now.

Magic—and a memory of soulmates.

It’s Kunimi, Kageyama, Kindaichi respectively in the left, middle, and right. It has always been that way.

It’s always them, and their glowing eyes and fading touches, and their strikingly similar last names.

* * *

★ I watched a change in you

It's like you never had wings

Now, you feel so alive ★

**Author's Note:**

> all the song lyrics used in this fic come from [this](http://8tracks.com/ayychbee/i-built-a-kingdom/) 8tracks playlist which i love oh so very much (and it totally inspired this fic)
> 
> i also have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/kiribakus/) and a [tumblr](http://stxrsupernova.tumblr.com/) if you wanna chat!


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